I just realized that I posted this without actually finishing it, because there's no photo for outfit of the episode and no anachronistic reference of the episode. Chalk it up to the painkillers. Oh, well, I'm moving on anyway! [Ed. note: I've now gone back and added these.]

1.13 Lord of the Bling

Score: 12

Characters: +3

• Lilly (+1)

• Logan (+1)

• Dick (+1)

Guest Stars: +2

• Shari Headley as Vanessa Hamilton – she was Prince Akim's love interest in Coming to America

• Anthony Anderson as Bone Hamilton – he's Dre on Black-ish

Story Quality: 3/5

Bone Hamilton, "the gangster rap empresario against whom all gangster rap empresarios measure themselves," is missing a daughter. Yolanda has disappeared. Turns out she and Veronica "used to be friends, a long time ago." As in, last year. Yolanda was the new girl in school, and Veronica helped her find her English class, then brought her into her 09er clique. Meanwhile, Lilly and Logan were playing their on-again-off-again games. Lilly decided to stand Logan up to teach him a lesson, and in retaliation (and drunkenness), he kissed Youlanda, and Veronica saw it, and she told Lilly. Lilly, despite professing not to be the “jealous type” in the first flashback, turns totally mean girl and forces Veronica (and presumably everyone else) to cold-shoulder Yolanda. Boo, Lilly, and boo, Veronica, for giving in to peer pressure.

Back in the present, Keith helps Bone sift through his list of enemies to figure out who kidnapped Yolanda. But it turns out she was never kidnapped at all – she ran away from home to marry her boyfriend, the son of Bone’s ex-lawyer (and one of his many enemies). Her brother Bryce took advantage of her disappearance to stage a fake kidnapping to prove to his dad that he’s not “soft.”

In the B-plot, it’s Lynne Echolls' funeral. Yep, she really jumped off the Coronado Bridge. Logan’s joking around cavalierly and being kind of an ass – and playing video games – because he’s convinced that she’s not really dead. She just “escaped.” He points to various clues that indicate Lynne faked her death to get away from the whole toxic paparazzi lifestyle. (Interestingly, this is the exact same thing that Prince Harry convinced himself of after Diana’s death. He was twelve, though.) Aaron decides that he’s done with Hollywood and he’s going to focus on his remaining family.

Side note: Every time I hear Logan start talking about his grandfather’s lighter that he kept with him even after he was captured in the Korean War, I hear Christopher Walken in Pulp Fiction.

Plot Relevance: 1/5

Last episode we learned that Logan and Lilly were broken up at the time of Lilly's death because Logan kissed another girl and Lilly found out. Now we know that girl was Yolanda. That has pretty much no bearing on the mystery of Lilly’s murder, though.

Iconic Lines/Memes: +5

• "We used to be friends. A long time ago." And we jump straight into the theme song. Love it!

• "And you’re on painkillers and the bottle says don’t operate heavy machinery, and a car is heavy!"

• "His posse, dad. The Eagles had a bunch of dudes."

• "It’s not my fault. I can’t help if God made me fabulous." Amen, Lilly.

• Veronica: "Yolanda and I will have to party for three."

  Lilly: "Which means Yolanda will have to party for two and a half." Burn!

Cringe: -2

• It would be nice though, huh? Bone’s little miss princess locked up in a closet somewhere, available whenever. Casual rape references, blech.

• Judge not by the color of their skin, but by the content of their sweater. -- Logan, ogling Yolanda

Outfit of the Episode:

The honor this week goes to Flashback Veronica, who is dressed in her signature innocent pink color scheme: pink cable-knit sweater, pink and red plaid skirt, and a little mini backpack that would definitely not hold a single textbook. That plus the long blonde wig pulled back from her face is giving real Jan Brady vibes.

Song of the Episode:

"Saturday Night" by Ozomatii. Dip, dive, socialize! This song has a very heavy early-2000s vibe.

Anachronistic Reference of the Episode:

I forgot to do this initially, and I don't want to rewatch the entire episode again, so I'm gonna give it to this Ramones sticker inside what I assume is Duncan's locker. I don't know if listening to the Ramones is actually an anachronism for 2005, but it strikes me as an unlikely choice for Duncan.

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