a pointless blog
gathering moss
Veronica learns the hard lesson that just because you like a guy doesn’t mean he’s not a sexual predator.
1.14 Mars vs Mars
Score: 14
Characters (+2)
Logan (+1)
Cliff (+1)
Guest Stars (+2)
Leighton Meester as Carrie Bishop (+1)
I don’t personally care about this one, because I didn’t watch Gossip Girl and I don’t think she’s terribly good as Carrie Bishop, but other people seem excited.
Adam Scott as Mr. Rooks (+1)
Story Quality: 4/5
Veronica’s favorite teacher—possibly the only teacher she likes—is accused of having a sexual relationship with one of his students. Veronica is sure it’s a lie, not only because she likes Mr. Rooks, but because she hates the accuser, Carrie Bishop, who once gossiped about her and Duncan in a bathroom.
She promises Mr. Rooks she’ll clear his name, but Keith has been hired by Carrie’s parents, putting them at odds. Veronica, being smarter than everybody, proves Carrie Bishop is lying. But then she discovers Carrie was accusing Mr. Rooks on behalf of her best friend Susan Knight, who did have a sexual relationship with him and is now pregnant with his baby. Unfortunately, Veronica also realizes she’s Mr. Rooks’ next target.
Mr. Rooks loses his job after Susan comes forward. Veronica has to eat a lot of crow. The Mr. Rooks storyline is probably only a 4 on its own.
Fun fact: three characters in this episode are named after chess pieces!
Plot Relevance: 5/5
Veronica is determined to find out Duncan’s mystery illness. She sneaks into his doctor’s office and discovers he has “type four epilepsy” (not a real thing) that causes hysteria, blackouts, and violent behavior. This explains the ER incident where he screamed Veronica’s name last year, which is what Susan Knight and Carrie Bishop were gossiping about.
While there, she also finds the medical records of Abel Koontz, the confessed murderer of Lilly Kane, and learns he has terminal cancer. No wonder he was willing to take the fall for Lilly’s murder—his life isn’t going to last much longer. Veronica confronts Abel, realizing he’s just a patsy.
Meanwhile, Logan is convinced his mother is still alive and hires Veronica to investigate. They follow red herrings, including a woman who's just seeking attention and another who's just delusional. Weevil discovers some freshmen accidentally captured footage of Lynn’s jump in their movie, seemingly confirming her death, but then a hit appears on Lynn’s credit card. So she's really alive???
(Note: The freshmen’s movie will be relevant in season 2.)
Iconic Lines (+6)
"If she was really going to do the deed, it’d be chardonnay and sleeping pills. She wouldn’t risk being found bug-eyed and bloated in some shrimp net."
Terrible to say about your mother, but 100% valid.
"I could write down that I met Kid Rock every weekend at the Hedonism Lodge for sensual massage and smoothies, but that doesn’t make it true."
"What, did he lose a puka shell?" – Weevil on Logan’s sad face.
"Tell me where to put your Father of the Year trophy, ‘cause I sure know where I’d like to put it!"
Veronica: "Are you patronizing me?"
Keith: "To be fair, I am your patron."
Weevil: "If you’re looking for my trophy, it’s back by auto shop."
Veronica: "A lube job? Or, can you medal in stealing hubcaps?"
Weevil: "Is this 1970? Rims, baby."
Veronica: "So, you got a trophy for a rim job?"
Even Weevil knows she got him on that one.
Cringe (-1)
"Wow, you must have a gay friend." – Veronica on Mr. Rooks’s decor. A stereotype about both gay and straight men.
(Mr. Rooks’s comeback: "I just replicated a page in the Z Gallery catalog.")
Outfit of the Episode
Army green sweater with pink and yellow argyle down the sleeve, worn with extremely flared jeans.
Also, take note of Leighton Meester's camisole-worn-as-shirt, hip-bone bearing low rise jeans, and choker. Peak 2000s fashion.
Song of the Episode
"Worried About You" by The Rolling Stones. This song tips Veronica off to Mr. Rooks’s seduction scheme. Carrie had mentioned his “mood music” is side two of Tattoo You—this is the first song on that side.
Anachronistic Reference of the Episode
"Don’t Stand So Close To Me." Three girls born in 1998 know all the lyrics to a 1980 song? Highly unlikely. This is like me knowing all the words to The Twist by Chubby Checker. (Spoiler: I do not.)
