Logan and the other 09ers attempt to enshrine the status quo through election fraud and are semi-successful.

1.6 Return of the Kane

Score: 17

Characters: 5

Logan (+1)

Dick (+1)

Aaron Echolls (+1)

Lilly (+1)

Corny (1)

Guest stars: 1

Wanda (-1)

Jane Lynch (+2)

Plot relevance: 5/5

There's a little movement on the Lilly Kane murder trial front, as Veronica starts creating a file on everyone who now lacks an alibi, based on what she knows about Lilly's incorrect time of death. That means the entire Kane family. She dips into Keith's safe and finds crime scene photos that show Lilly's Keds under the desk in her bedroom--the same Keds that were later found in the possession of Able Koontz, her confessed killer. As Veronica says, that's impossible!  We get lots of Lilly flashbacks and also a Lilly dream. Ultimately, Veronica realizes that Keith is onto her, and decides to let him in on what she knows. Also, Wanda says that she heard that Lilly had a thing with Weevil. Veronica vehemently denies this.

We also develop more backstory about the major players: this time we're focusing on the Echolls family, and we're introduced to Aaron Echolls for the first time! Logan and Dick (finally a Dick episode!) are organizing bum fights. A video gets leaked to The Smoking Gun website, publicly embarrassing Aaron Echolls. But Logan's real sin is costing his father half a million dollars when he pledges it to the local food bank (note: we just saw him accept a movie deal for "eight figures" - tens of millions, in other words). The subplot-capping scene -- in which Logan has to choose which belt his father will beat him with, while his mother desperately gulps vodka out of a crystal tumbler in the next room and listens to the belt hitting Logan's flesh -- is just stellar character development.

Story quality: 2/5

It's school election time and Wanda Varner, pseudo-punk outcast, decides to run on a platform of abolishing the "unfair and elitist pirate points program" (a perk for jocks and other "involved" students). To counter this anti-establishment threat, Logan maneuvers Duncan into running against his will (recruiting his movie star father for Duncan's campaign ad, a hilarious choice). Veronica is assigned to cover the election for the school paper and ends up unearthing a corrupt plan to ensure Duncan the victory. But, as with most things in the Mars universe, Wanda isn't what she seems and ends up falling from grace. Duncan wins in the end, but vows to expand the pirate points program to include a wider array of school activities, thus enfranchising the disenfranchised.

I really can't stand Wanda Varner, and I'm afraid it's entirely the fault of the actress playing her. For some reason, Rachel Roth delivers the lines with a weird mid-Atlantic accent that sounds phony and is very distracting. (The scene in which Keith talks in a similar accent in a Philip Marlowe impression almost feels like Enrico Colantoni making fun of Roth, but I'm sure I'm just reading into it.) Anyway, every single thing Wanda says gets on my nerves. She earns a negative point. But we also get Jane Lynch, debuting an early version of Sue Sylvester (five years before Glee) as student council advisor, Mrs. Donaldson. It's so weird to see her here, back in her one-episode-only-of-every-network-series era when no one knew who she was. (In the same year as her appearance in VM, she was in one episode of NYPD Blue, Monk, Friends, and the original CSI, to name just a few.) As one of the best guest stars of the whole series, she gets two points! She really makes this episode.

Iconic lines/memes: +5

• My soul is doomed to walk the earth until justice has been served. That and, as kind of a side project, I dispense fashion advice. Aw, Lilly.

• I can already see the headline: Brown-Nosing Resume Packer Wins in a Landslide. 

• I just don't have time to be responsible for every little thing that goes wrong in your life. He has a point: Logan is always Veronica's first choice for bad guy of the week.

• You. Stand. Idly. By. Sick burn on Duncan.

• Transient: You find some sucker who's willing to make an a bitch out of himself for cash? Logan: stares at his dad.

Cringe: -1

• We woulda changed the way things work around here! Thank you, Wanda Marlowe.

Outfit of the episode:

Veronica's gotten into some creative braiding this episode, but her outfits are pretty run of the mill. So for once, Outfit of the Episode is going to someone other than Veronica. Take a look at the sartorial choices of Wanda Varner:

Song of the episode:

Ventura Highway by America. An acoustic, easy-listening yacht rock jam that underscores the violence of Logan's household at the end of the episode. Such a great, unsettling contrast.

Anachronistic reference of the episode:

Xanadu. Wanda tells Madison Sinclair to "return to Xanadu." I'm fairly certain that the Xanadu she's referring to is not that of the Samuel Taylor Coleridge poem but that of the 1980 Olivia Newton John electro-disco musical fantasy movie. Honestly, neither makes a ton of sense because Madison doesn't look like she originated in either one of them. And either way, doesn't feel like something Wanda Varner would say.

Honorable mention to Logan calling Wanda W-w-wanda, a reference to A Fish Called Wanda, a movie from 1988. Logan, who in 2004 is presumably 17 years old, was born in 1987. Probably not in the target demo for A Fish Called Wanda.

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